As James and I prepare for this exciting new stage of life, it has caused me to become reflective. I have become acutely aware of things I hadn't bothered to observe before now, and in some cases, things I've tried very hard to ignore. I think about what kind of a parent I want to be and what it will look like. I wonder how to raise our son to be a strong, confident, loving, and compassionate individual. It has occurred to me time and time again that unless both James and I display such attributes it will be a challenge to effectively instill these in him.
I admire my husband so much and think he dynamically displays strength, confidence, love and compassion daily. He generously cares for me and others. I know James would likely say he still has room for growth, but I think he is off to a wonderful start.
I, on the other hand, struggle to display these. I desire to be strong. I desire to be confident. I desire to be loving and compassionate. I trust God knows my heart and hears me when I ask Him to show me how. But it is no easy feat and I will need His grace to get me there. You see, my strength is fickle. I harbor a great deal of self doubt. My confidence is easily shaken due to said doubt and the tendency to look for my confidence in fleeting things. My love is easily tested. I can love the lovable with great fervor and wild extravagance. I, shamefully, struggle to love when it becomes difficult. I am compassionate. Praise God, He gave me a tender heart. I want to work on demonstrating that compassion more freely.
I feel I have so many things to accomplish before I meet my son. It is overwhelming, and yet, I am reminded that God doesn't put anything before me that I am not capable of doing, by His grace. I believe the things I desire to model are things God desires me to be, as well. He's calling me out to be more. I'm excited about it. Nervous, but so excited!
One step I have taken is to begin to address my insecurities. They are many, and as time progresses I'm finding they run deeper than I'd ever have imagined. The best way I know to confront these is to head directly to the word of God. His Word is truth. It is powerful and healing. I also look to the wisdom of others. I am currently reading Beth Moore's, So Long Insecurity. I'm thankful for others that God speaks to and through. I'll be excited to share as God illuminates truth in my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment