I have a bee in my bonnet! I feel my rights have been trampled upon and I am in such a tizzy I could just spit- or say very obscene words- or plot the sweetest of revenge- or all three! Ahhh! Does this ever happen to you? Do you ever find that others don't regard your rights as quite as sacred as their own? Or do you know people who seem to insert themselves into your life and turn a situation that was supposed to be all about you into something all about them...?
As a Christian, I have freedom. Freedom in Christ. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial.
As an American, I have rights. The right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, freedom of speech, the right to keep and bear arms, the list goes on... Some politicians say I have the right to health care, education, home ownership... Politics aside, it sure would seem that I have a lot coming to me. My sense of entitlement runs deep. I fully confess and admit this. But how can I, as a Christian, reconcile these "rights" to Christ? Can I?
The recent infractions of justice which have me so riled up have nothing to do with the government, little to do with concrete delineations and written law, and so much to do with my personal perception of my rights and our cultures perception of personal freedoms and rights.
These infractions can happen anywhere. You can be standing in line at the grocery store and a stranger knowingly and willing cuts in front of you. I frequently would like to take out my badge and perform a citizen's arrest as they have broken the law of decorum and decency. You could be out working in your yard and the neighbor's dog decides nature is calling in your rose shrub as your neighbor stands idly by and lets you deal with the mess. You could be excited about enjoying that last piece of cake only to find your husband has eaten it that morning for breakfast. No matter where you go, who you are, people are constantly challenging your idea of what is right- taking what belongs to you. I think it's part of the human condition.
I acknowledge this is part of life. I find it much easier to deal with the stranger at the grocery store than the man in my house eating my cake. The closer I walk in relationship with others, the more I believe they desire to respect me and honor me- as the closer I walk in relationship with others the more care I use to show them love and respect.
However, this is frequently not the case. The closer we feel to others, the more liberty we feel to take what it is we see as ours- knowing they love us and will ultimately forgive us. I find the closer we are the more willing we are to be unkind- under the guise of being truthful, because that's what loved ones do- share the truth. The closer we walk in relationship with others, the more freedom we feel to share our opinion, the less inclined we are to hold our tongue, even if it is hurtful and less than edifying.
I argue, we are free to do such things. But at what cost? The deep ugly monster inside me wants to do just the same. And sadly does, to a certain extent. Ashamedly, I admit to planning some pretty sick plots to stick it to the other person- prove my point- assert my rights. I have also been known to be brutally honest in instances where support, love and edification were deeply needed.
I struggle with this nastiness, some days more than others. I find the ones I love bring it out of me the very most. I know it's a response to a hurt I feel- the perceived injustice- but it certainly doesn't make it right.
I've sought wisdom from peers and close family outside of present situations. I pray for wisdom. I pray God will change my heart. I pray that others' hearts will change, too, but the only response I have true control over is my own.
Worldly wisdom would be to assert myself- my rights, stick to my guns. Not to give an inch or else expect to be run over in the future- to look out for my own interests because others are sure as heck not seeing to my needs first. Some worldly wisdom would even say "turn about is fair play."
I don't want to conform to worldly wisdom, as incredibly appealing as it sounds to my inner monster. I want to be transformed by Christ. I truly want to be different. (Though all internal indications scream that I am the very same- my only hope to be any different falls on grace!) I want others to encounter love when they encounter me. I want others to see hope- to see Christ.
The only response for me then is to choose to lay down these perceived rights. I feel, after prayer, that is wisdom in my present state of distress. I serve a God who sees, who loves me and who deeply loves those who I find conflict with. I hope my actions reflect His deep, abiding love. I desire peace in these stormy situations. (Storms the other parties likely don't know exist.) I'm not above confrontation, but in particular circumstances, I believe it would not be received in love, or confrontation hasn't served much progress. The resounding still, small voice urges me to surrender. I find peace in this place of submission, not to others and their demands, but to an amazing God.
I reflect on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
My prayer is that, I, Ashley will be patient. I will be kind. I will not envy. I will not boast. I will not be proud. I will not be rude or self-seeking. I will not be easily angered, and keep no record of wrongs. I pray that I will not delight in evil but rejoice in the truth. I pray I will always protect, always trust, always hope, and always persevere.
I have a long way to go. A LONG WAY, indeed! But that is my prayer for me and for you. True freedom doesn't rest in my perceived rights, but true freedom is a gift from God- a choice of love and forgiveness. Presently, a difficult choice for this ugly monster.
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