Life Change, Heart Change

As James and I prepare for this exciting new stage of life, it has caused me to become reflective. I have become acutely aware of things I hadn't bothered to observe before now, and in some cases, things I've tried very hard to ignore. I think about what kind of a parent I want to be and what it will look like. I wonder how to raise our son to be a strong, confident, loving, and compassionate individual. It has occurred to me time and time again that unless both James and  I display such attributes it will be a challenge to effectively instill these in him.

I admire my husband so much and think he dynamically displays strength, confidence, love and compassion daily. He generously cares for me and others. I know James would likely say he still has room for growth, but I think he is off to a wonderful start.

I, on the other hand, struggle to display these. I desire to be strong. I desire to be confident. I desire to be loving and compassionate. I trust God knows my heart and hears me when I ask Him to show me how. But it is no easy feat and I will need His grace to get me there. You see, my strength is fickle. I harbor a great deal of self doubt. My confidence is easily shaken due to said doubt and the tendency to look for my confidence in fleeting things. My love is easily tested. I can love the lovable with great fervor and wild extravagance. I, shamefully, struggle to love when it becomes difficult. I am compassionate. Praise God, He gave me a tender heart. I want to work on demonstrating that compassion more freely.

I feel I have so many things to accomplish before I meet my son. It is overwhelming, and yet, I am reminded that God doesn't put anything before me that I am not capable of doing, by His grace.  I believe the things I desire to model are things God desires me to be, as well. He's calling me out to be more. I'm excited about it. Nervous, but so excited!

One step I have taken is to begin to address my insecurities. They are many, and as time progresses I'm finding they run deeper than I'd ever have imagined. The best way I know to confront these is to head directly to the word of God. His Word is truth. It is powerful and healing. I also look to the wisdom of others. I am currently reading Beth Moore's, So Long Insecurity.  I'm thankful for others that God speaks to and through. I'll be excited to share as God illuminates truth in my life.

Snips, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

I was awake nearly all night. It's hard to sleep when you know something big is supposed to take place the next morning. That, and our house was being pelted with freezing rain. It was this combination that caused great uncertainty. I was unsure if the doctor's office would still be open the next day after one of the largest storms of the year. Much to my surprise, when I awoke the next morning,  I called the office to find out they were OPEN! Today was going to be the day!! James and I would get to see a long awaited glimpse of our tiny little baby. I think I was bouncing off the walls while I quickly dressed and downed several ounces of water. James, while excited, was very sleepy because I had been tossing and turning all night.

We set out early just in case the roads were bad. We were thankful they weren't. We then waited to be called back for our appointment. It took a very long time. I think they were short on technicians due to the inclement weather. Finally we were led back to the same dark exam room. It wasn't long before we were watching a bouncing baby kicking all around. I was amazed at how busy our baby was since I can not yet really feel anything consistently. We saw all the major organs and were so glad to hear all looked normal. The technician then moved down to the baby's legs. They were still fluttering about. She then paused the pictures to asked us what we thought. I was nearly certain of what I was seeing, but not sure. I then asked, "Are we having a boy?" Sure enough, we were watching our baby boy. James lit up. I've rarely seen him beam so brightly.  From that moment on it was talk of names, college funds, you name it, James was thinking about it.

It's amazing how knowing the sex of the baby seems to make it even more real. All the dreams we have for our child take on new life. We can't wait to meet this little boy and get to know him.

Baby Boy Peppers

We're having a baby boy!!!

Happy New Years!

New Year's Cheer

We were so blessed to have Christmas off this year. As a trade off, James had to work New Years Eve. I spent the evening at home with a glass of sparkling grape juice and Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve. We're looking forward to an exciting and eventful 2011!

Happy Holidays!

A very excited great-grandpa and uncle-to-be!

James and I were able to spend Christmas with my family in Missouri. It was a fun holiday full of good food and even better company.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Feast at Maggiano's

This year finds James and I celebrating Thanksgiving on our own. This is a very first for us. After learning James' family would be unable to join us in Indianapolis, we began to discuss how we would celebrate here. Since morning sickness is in full swing, we thought it would be best not to rely on my culinary efforts. We put our hope in my reservation efforts. There are so many tempting options available and with my propensity to be indecisive it's a wonder we were able to settle upon and secure reservations. But we did!
We had a lovely Thanksgiving lunch at Maggiano's. We were very impressed by the traditional Thanksgiving fare, as well as the Italian dishes. There was more than enough food for plenty of left overs. Since I've been out of commission in the kitchen, this was a welcome treat.
James and I then took a cruise through our old neighborhood to look at Christmas decorations. We then put up Christmas decorations of our own. Our Christmas tree sparkles brightly in the living room. 

Big News!!

 Today James and I shared a very exciting milestone. In a dark secluded exam room we caught the our very first glimpse of our future. A tiny little baby! Our baby is about the size of a peanut. And even though it is so tiny, it still has a very audible heartbeat. James grinned ear to ear and I couldn't help but giggle with excitement. Our world is quickly changing.

Baby Peppers

We had suspected it was for about a month, but the visual confirmation of an ultrasound was very powerful.  James first anticipated a change was coming early in October. I had requested we make a special outing to the grocery store.  He managed to snap this picture to document the event:

Notice the cheesecake and the chocolate bon bons...

I was caught red-handed!

A few short days later there was more proof:

It's faint, but there...

I awoke at 4:00am on October 10, 2010 and decided to take a pregnancy test. I could not believe my eyes! It appeared to be positive. To make sure of this, I nudged James awake and asked for his opinion. He tells a slightly different version of the mornings events...

Multigrain Soaked Bread

This summer James and I ventured into vegetable gardening for the first time with great results! We have also really been enjoying our local farmer's market. It is open every Friday evening and offers a large array of locally grown produce. It is hosted at Trader's Point Creamery and makes for a fun date night. Coincidentally, I also read a few very influential books: In Defense of Food by Micheal Pollan and Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon. This started to shape my thoughts about food and food preparation.

In our house we are making a push to eat foods that are less processed and if possible grown locally. This is proving to be quite the challenge for one self professed candy fiend, but we will keep trying.

After a little research and some experimenting in the kitchen I have melded a few bread recipes to make one that we love! I'd like to share it with you. Note: Since the recipe calls for soaking the grains, it is started the night before baking.

Soaked Multi-Grain Bread

* adapted from Martha Stewart’s Classic White Bread with Multigrain variation as well as Tara’s (Itty Bitty Bookworms) adaptation of Jo Lynne’s (Musings of a Housewife) Sandwich Bread Recipe

MAKES 2 LOAVES

3 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup rye flour

2 ½ -3 ½ cups unbleached all-purpose flour

4 tablespoons melted butter + extra to grease pans

3 ¼ cups of water, divided

            2 cups water

            ¾ cup water

            ½ cup water (110 F)

7 tablespoons buttermilk

1 tablespoon salt

2 - ¼ ounce envelopes of active dry yeast (or 1 tablespoon plus 1 ½ teaspoons yeast)

2/3 cup of honey plus 2 teaspoons of honey

1/3 cup bulgar wheat

½ cup rolled oats (plus extra for top of loaves)

¼ cup flax seeds

¼ cup sunflower seeds (plus extra for top of loaves)

eggs white for wash on top of loaves

Before you go to bed:

Place 3 cups of whole wheat flour in mixer bowl. Add salt. Attach dough hook and begin to mix. 

Combine the 4 tablespoons of melted butter and 2 cups of water. 

Add warm water and butter mixture to the mixing bowl. Continue to mix. Add rye flour. Add 4 tablespoons of buttermilk. Mix for about another minute. Cover and allow to soak overnight.

In separate bowl mix bulgar wheat with rolled oats and ¾ cup warm water. Add 3 tablespoons of buttermilk. Cover and allow to soak overnight.

I also go ahead and in a tiny bowl measure out my sunflower seeds and flax seeds. They will be ready to throw into the mix in the morning.

Go to bed.

In the morning:

Measure out ½ cup of warm water around 110 F and place in a bowl. Sprinkle the yeast on to the top of the warm water. Add about two teaspoons of honey. Whisk the honey in with the water and yeast until yeast dissolves. Let stand until foamy, about five minutes.

In the meantime, move the soaked flour mixture back to the mixer stand. Using dough hook, start mixing flour mixture again. To this, add 2/3 cup honey. (More or less depending on your sweet tooth.)

Now that the yeast mixture is foamy, add this to the soaked flour and honey mixture. Then add soaked bulgar and rolled oats. Next add flax seeds and sunflower seeds. Once all ingredients are incorporated, it is time to add the unbleached flour. Slowly add anywhere from 2 ½ to 3 ½ cups depending on the texture and consistency of your dough. The amount of dough became more than my mixer could deal with so I had to turn my dough out and knead in the very last of the unbleached flour, just enough to give it the right texture.

Then place the dough in a buttered bowl and cover with a tea towel on top of the bowl. Set dough in a warm spot so it can rise. Allow dough to double. (About an hour)

Then punch dough down. Divide into two pieces and form loaves. Place in greased bread pans. Set in a warm place allow to rise until doubled again. Once dough is doubled in pans, take out of oven. Set temp to 450 F. Make an egg wash with egg whites and water and brush the wash over the tops of the loaves. Sprinkle sunflower seeds and rolled oats on top. You may need to use the wash to get topping to stick properly. Reduce over heat to 400 F before putting loaves in. Bake at 400 F for 30- 40 minutes. Tops will get brown and crusty, but bread inside will be delicious. Serve with pastured butter. Yum!

Hope you enjoy!